Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Humans witness birth of ‘super zombie’ animals



The Horde has unveiled a secret weapon: a cross-breed of animals and the undead.

The new living dead species wasted no time claiming human lives.

The animals descended upon a group of humans on the Quad at Utah State University on Tuesday afternoon.

In the gory onslaught, living dead elephants, monkeys, gazelles and crabs devoured human flesh.

"Gazelles run around and the monkeys are annoying,” said Jeremy “Fate” Baker, the Harbinger of Lore. “The elephants have to be hit with a grenade and the crabs run backwards because their backsides are bulletproof.”
  
Minutes after the first faction marched into the danger zone one human separated from the group and was surrounded by ghoulish gazelles. Another human was trampled by a mob of undead elephants while attempting to dodge a grenade launched by a hybrid monkey. While running from a group of crabs, one person was impaled on an elephant's tusk.

Not all humans fell victim to the zombie hordes. One hunter, Tim Clark, outmaneuvered the hybrids. 

“I’m not surprised I survived. I’m just good,” said Clark, the sole survivor of his faction. “You just run. When surrounded, you dodge. Then, run some more.”

At the end of the battle the living-dead monkeys and gazelles returned to their previous zombie form, but some transformations were permanent.

“The crabs and the elephants will stay,” Baker said. “They’ll be called super-zombies.” 

UnDeadline reporters Matt Walker, Chris Larsen, Kelsy Ensign, Summer Taylor and Skylar Christensen contributed to this report.  

Humans losing ground, zombies evolving, fresh blood everywhere

The zombie chant echoed across the Utah State University campus:

“Never shall we die. Never shall we die. Never shall we die.”

Members of the human resistance can’t say the same. In fewer than 24 hours, the number of undead roaming the school grounds has soared.

Shrieking screams could be heard periodically throughout the day around the university grounds. The screams signaled the demise of a human killed by the relentless chase of the zombies.

“I was killed this morning,” Kara Schoneman said. “Walking to my first class I was ambushed by four zombies. It was such a surprise I didn’t have time to react. Before I knew what happened my body was being tore apart by these savage beasts.”

The killing strategies of the Horde differ.

“I hunt alone,” Khris Luthy said. “These humans are terrified of the Horde, they are running scared all the time. Hunting alone is a challenge; you have to always know your next move. If you are careless you will be shot by the humans.”

“I have three kills already today,” Luthy said, as blood from his last victim dripped from his chin. “I am never satisfied. I always want more blood and brains.”

While zombies like Luthy prefer to hunt alone, others in the Horde work together.

“Hunting together works as a distraction,” said Brice Colby, the original zombie. “When we hunt as a group humans don’t stand a chance. We get them cornered, ambush them and feast on their souls.”

A group of 12 zombies ambushed Ian Neil yesterday at 10 a.m. outside Mountain View Tower dormitory.

“I was trapped with no escape,” Neil said. “I tried to fight back but it was useless.”

Now that Neil is a part of the zombie Horde, he is being taught one of many strategies used to mercilessly kill humans.

“It’s called the hammer strategy. We line up either two by two or three by three depending on the amount of zombies in our group. The front line of the group serves as the shield,” Neil said. “After the front line goes down, the humans are in such disarray they don’t know what to do. The second line goes in and finishes them off.”

Along with the growing number, zombies are evolving.

“Solomon and Fate, the two human leaders, have been experimenting with chemicals to use against the zombies,” said Queen Lazara, one of the zombie leaders.
But this method had the opposite effect.

“The zombies’ animalistic tendencies were amplified. We have elephants, we have gazelles, we have monkeys, we have one chameleon,” Lazara said. “We also have crabs.”
Each evolved zombie has a different animal characteristic. The elephants, for instance, are bulletproof.

“I am immune to artillery fire,” said Taime Yazzie, an elephant-type zombie. “I’m going to be feasting on brains all night long.”

The crabs have a hardened hide on their backs, protecting them from attacks.

“If I get shot in the back, it doesn’t affect me,” said Robert Hansen, a crab breed of the undead. “My belly is going to be full of human innards. I’m ready to eat.”

As of 10:21 p.m. there were 221 zombies reported by the League of Supernatural Nations.
With an undead increase of 69 percent in the last 24 hours, the humans are losing ground.

“Zombies are everywhere,” said Jesse Victors, member of the Horde. “No one can hide.”

UnDeadline reporters Michael Royer, Becca Glover, Paul Christiansen, Jessica Wardell and Joseph Meadows contributed to this report.


Dramatic rescue saves trapped human squad


Some cower from the zombie hordes for fear of contracting the ghastly virus.

But resistance Capt. Kyler Jensen and his squad mates rushed into danger on Monday evening in order to save a group of fellow humans.

It was just past 9:30 p.m., and resistance leader Solomon Razerbane Ruhe was leading a group of fellow humans to an area behind the natural resources building at Utah State University.

That’s where they were ambushed by a horde of zombies.

But before the undead could close in on Ruhe’s men, Jensen’s squad flanked the zombies and stunned them with homemade grenades.

“My whole squad performed admirably,” Jensen said, grinning through the dried zombie blood splattered on his face. “We don’t turn our backs on a fight. We saw someone in trouble and came to their aid.”

Tori Winslow, a neutral observer known as “The Harbinger,” watched the skirmish from nearby.
 
“Kyler remained hidden with a little group of troops and saw it unfold,” Winslow said. “When he did see the attack, his group came behind the swarm and rescued the humans that were trapped.”

Jensen’s men held their noses as rotting zombie appendages flew through the air from the  flow of ammunition and grenades they sent into the swarm.

“When you consider we started out with 25 of us and we still have 18 left, I’d say we’ve been successful,” Jensen said as he wiped away a mess of festering goo from around his eyes.

Jensen believes being silent and staying out of sight has allowed his men to counterattack when zombies swarm.

“Each of my men deserves a medal for their skill and bravery,” Jensen said. “There isn’t time for that now, however. We are preparing for our next battle.”

UnDeadline reporters Ryan Gudmunson, Blake DeVries, Kyle Heywood, Addison Hall, Brooklin Peterson and Tavin Stucki contributed to this report.  

With war all around, immune students carry on


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Not everyone is at war.

In the midst of the zombie apocalypse, many Utah State University students have found they are immune from attack.

Brian Isom, a business major from Knoxville, Tenn., is taking advantage of his safe status by taunting the undead.

“I thought it would be clever to attack the zombies,” Isom said.

Isom and his friends plan to take action Wednesday at 4 p.m. on The Quad where the zombies meet for daily missions.

“We are making water balloon launchers,” Isom said. “We’ll find the zombies at The Quad and attack them.”

Unlike Isom, other immune students are simply trying to avoid the apocalypse altogether.

“I’m not scared of them, I just don’t want to be around them,” said Trent Morrison, senator of College of Humanities and Social Sciences. “As a student leader, I would rather see USU students focus on studies and student involvement. Getting attacked by a zombie is a huge distraction.”

Some, though, find that sort of attitude to be uncompassionate.

“Well, that’s certainly easy for that guy to say,” said Trevor McLewis of the Human-Zombie Equal Rights Association. “He doesn’t have to worry about his brain, nor does he have to worry about starving from a lack of brains. I guess that just makes it easy to pass judgment.”

Zombie Death Capt. John Gillespie also has a poor opinion of the invulnerable humans.

“They are cowards — dirty rotten cowards who are waiting around. The second they enter the apocalypse I will get them,” Gillespie said.

Isom doesn’t feel threatened, though.

“If they touch me, I’m immune,” Isom said. “I have about 500 water balloons and I could not be more prepared.”

UnDeadline reporters Kori Slager, Aimee Cobabe, Heidi Smith, Stefani Lewis and Cory Checketts contributed to this report.

Human casualties, weapons scarcities as battle continues


The zombie outbreak that began Monday at Utah State University is spreading.

Now the human population is dwindling — and so are the weapon supplies of a local arms dealer.

"It's only been one day and already our store has been a popular scene for humans trying to survive against the zombies," said Tysan Sooaemalelagi, an assistant manager at Walmart.

And for good reason, said John Tucker, one of the remaining humans.

"Really, your only chance at survival is having a good gun and knowing how to shoot it," he said.

Walmart currently stocks 12 types of Nerf guns.

"The three most popular that I've seen so far are the Maverick, which is a hand gun; the Recon, which is more of a rifle; and the Longshot, which acts as a sniper," Sooaemalelagi said.

But Sooaemalelagi’s personal favorite is the Nerf Vortex, which uses discs as ammunition instead of darts.

“It's supposed to be a lot more accurate when hunting down the undead,” he said.

Sooaemalelagi is not the only one with a personal preference.

"I use a Nerf Retaliator that Walmart supplied me with," said Josh Conlin, another human. "I wouldn't be happy with any other zombie-killing tool."

Not everyone agrees.

"There were so many choices that I wasn't sure what to pick,” Tucker said. “But then I saw the Maverick and it just screamed zombie slayer to me.”

Walmart is expecting to see an increased demand for weapons in coming days as the zombie apocalypse encompasses more of USU's student population.

"We'll probably run out of weapons eventually," Sooaemalelagi said. "But we should be able to keep supplying weapons for quite some time.”

That is, Sooaemalelagi said, “unless the zombies get ahold of Hasbro,” Walmart’s own Nerf arms supplier.

UnDeadline reporters Janessa Colton, Misty Inglet, Anna James, Kevin Meacham and Dawn Otterby contributed to this report.

Humans fight losing battle near Kent Concert Hall


A swarm of the undead descended upon a group of humans, ripped their flesh to pieces and devoured their souls.

Another battle. Another newly infected population of flesh-eating ghouls.

The Monday night battle began with 20 humans facing off against 40 zombies. By the end of the conflict, though, nearly half of the remaining humans had joined the undead.

The zombies met near the Kent Concert Hall for a meeting before splitting up. Meanwhile the humans met on the Quad then dispersed throughout the campus to stun unsuspecting zombies.

“The zombies were taunting the humans to increase their paranoia,” said Rebecca Nielson, who was a human before the attack. “The zombies converged on us and during the mass confusion most of us got turned.”

Hayden Griffiths was also a human when the mission began.

“We were in a high, we encircled the zombies which confused them,” he said.

But that didn’t last long. Soon the zombies had executed a counter-attack, chasing their prey back to the Quad.

“I had no ammunition and my gun was jammed so I got turned to a zombie,” Griffiths said. “Even though it’s all for the team I wish I would have abandoned ship and run.”

With that, Griffiths joined a group of six other zombies who were hunting humans together.

“Our game plan is to bring an element of surprise, flank and kill,” Griffiths said.

“Being a zombie has its perks,” said Malcolm Patchett, one of the zombies who infected Griffiths. “You have a reputation of fear and you can lead other hordes to do your bidding.”

Patchett has now embraced his new existence as a member of the undead and said he regrets the actions he took against the zombies when he was human.

“I pissed everyone off,” he said. “I dissed all the zombies and now I wish I hadn’t.”

In Monday night’s battle, Patchett acted as a scout for the undead. It was a lot of work, he said, but “it’s all worth it to see the fear in their eyes.”

UnDeadline reporters Sarah Menlove, Bradley Wells, Chris Farnes, Hannah Romney and Ronald Henline contributed to this report.

Apocalyptic Darwinism? In zombie war, it's survival of fittest and smartest


Zombie slayer Ben Zeller prepares for battle.
The key to surviving a zombie apocalypse: “having slow friends,” said Scott Bingham, a veteran zombie slayer. "You don’t have to outrun the zombie, you just have to outrun your friends."

That's one way to do it. But with zombie numbers on the rise across Utah State University’s campus, this week, humans are perfecting many more tactics to keep their brains where they belong.

Many of the best zombie slayers are in top physical condition.

“Zombies get the heavy set first,” said James Powell, author of “Math and the Life-Impaired: How Disease Theory Predicts the Zombie Apocalypse,” published in 2012. “People need to do more cardiovascular.”

But sometimes, no amount of running away will do. For those who must stand and fight, Zombie-slaying technologies have been developed for combating the outbreak.

Scientists are hotly debating the question of why some common human objects have such a significant toxic effect on zombies, for whom rolled up socks and Nerf projectiles can cause a state of paralysis for 15 minutes.

But human members of the resistance have little time to question why it works. They're simply happy it does.

As a former human, Jesse Victors became familiar with many of the weapons that have now been turned against him. “Firepower is really important, as far as Nerf guns and socks go,” he said.

Across campus, many humans have taken to crafting makeshift bandoliers, loaded with Nerf bullets and sock bombs.

Applying his research on insect trapping, Powell thinks new zombie-trapping technology should be created.

Powell also hypothesized that a moat would be an advantageous zombie-slaying tool.

“The corpses would get soupy in the water and then the fish would nibble on them,” he said, noting that human skin is more resilient than that of the undead.

Many humans can be seen seeking refuge in buildings on USU’s campus. “Usually we travel in groups,” said Nick Bills, a rookie zombie slayer. “Avoid big streets and building hop.”

Zombies have a different take on the best technique to survive: “There isn’t one,” said Rebecca Nielson, a flesh-starved zombie. “You’ll die.”

UnDeadline reporters Tasia Briggs, Madison Stone, Chase Christensen, Rachel Lewis and Kelsie Davis contributed to this report.


Facing potential undeath, humans consider zombie souls


Humans resistance fighters protect the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Institute of Religion at Utah State University. 
Amid the continuing warfare between zombies and humans, missionary Eli Brayley spent Tuesday afternoon preaching salvation to the living and the undead. 

“Most people in this world do not think of themselves as zombies,” said Brayley, a Born Again Christian missionary from Eastern Canada. “To God, we are the living dead until we become Christians.”

Brayley, a staple on Utah State University’s campus even in times of peace, wasn’t the only one debating theology on Tuesday. An increase in zombie attacks has left many people wondering what happens to an undead soul.

Brayley preaches salvation on USU’s Logan campus three days a week. As far as he’s concerned, all non-Christians are zombies.

“Because we are all sinners, we are all dead in the trespasses of our sin," Brayley said.

Like humans, Brayley said, zombies can “only be saved if they put their faith in Jesus." 

However, some Christians believe humans and zombies are separated by mortality. Because zombies are a post-mortal incarnation of humans, they are not held accountable for their actions.

“Once you are attacked, the center of your brain that controls your judgment is compromised,” said human Melany Reeder, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. “I believe your soul goes to heaven and your body becomes a zombie.”

While Reeder is confident her soul will be saved, other humans fear the zombie transformation holds an undesirable destiny. 

“I just want to live,” human Sam Weston said. “I don’t want to join them in hell and go through everlasting torment.”

Zombie Austin Ewell dismissed human conjecture about his soul.

“I think the point of a zombie is they have a lack of soul but they are still animate,” Ewell said. “The soul is in the heart or the brain, and since zombies eat both, my soul is safe.”

While some zombies hope for salvation, others have embraced the idea of eternal damnation. 

“I am really not worried,” said zombie Cody Patterson. “I think hell will be fun. It will be like a big party.”

UnDeadline reporters Natalie Thatcher, Jonathan Larson, Kellianne Smith and Erin Davies contributed to this report.

Bravo Company finds relic, wins battle againt Horde

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Hundreds of human and zombie forces assembled at 9 p.m. Monday to fight in the premiere night raid of the zombie apocalypse at Utah State University.

Solomon’s Best Bravo Company was one of six human regiments charged with an independent mission: find the relic — a small box of ammunition — without being ripped to shreds.

For Bravo, the mission entailed leaving base at Bullen Hall and maneuvering through a bloodthirsty legion of zombies in order to get to the Ray B. West building where the relic was hidden.

Guns, swords, bombs and nunchucks were among the weapons strapped to the backs of Bravo soldiers as they huddled around their commanding officers, Capt. Trevor Irish and Sgt. Tony Edwards.

“Form ranks! Circle!” Edwards said. “Tonight is the night we achieve victory!”

Following cheers of “hoo-rah” and “zombies suck,” Bravo deployed.

They moved in quiet, single-file lines. Edwards gave the signal and the troops ran across the street in groups of three, directly into the bushes to avoid being seen by zombies.

Soon after, Bravo encountered a horde of flesh-eaters guarding the Ray B. West building. The company didn’t waste any time. They improvised and chased the zombies across The Quad.

Amidst the bloody battle, one human soldier escaped undetected and retrieved the relic that was hidden on the East side of the building. Bravo quickly refigured and retreated to base.

“We’re taking the safe road back. There’s no zombies here,” said Edwards, leading Bravo alongside U.S. Route 89.

Bravo was first to complete a mission, successfully returning to base at Bullen Hall by 9:46 p.m.  — and suffering only two casualties.

“I’m very proud of my men tonight,” Irish said. “This was the best experience with the Bravo Company so far. Last year I lost 30 men in about 30 seconds.”

UnDeadline reporters Lauren Petty, Madeline Millburn, Manda Perkins and Jisa Robinson contributed to this report. 

Humans return to training in attempt to stop outbreak


Eight months after the last zombie outbreak at Utah State University, human resistance fighters are back in training. 

Human resistance leader Lady Harbinger, along with Fatalis and fellow chief captain Solomon Razorbane Ruhe gathered volunteers on the Quad on Monday to prepare for battle. 
 
Capt. Jon Kuhl, an expert counter-zombie strategist, oversaw the training.

“There's a lot of strategy involved,” Kuhl said. “The zombies have too much strategy and as it turns out we have too little. So we're trying to flip that around.”

The six regiments practiced formation tactics as captains shared strategies. But the volunteers were unprepared for the reality of an outbreak. They struggled with their weapons and were slow to follow their captains' orders.

“The scariest part of zombies charging you is when the rest of your squad breaks and runs away,” Kuhl said. “It's the worst when your gun is jammed or you're alone. Especially since they tend to happen together.”

Kuhl is one of the more seasoned captains in the resistance. He has survived seven outbreaks and fought in the battle where Lazarus, the original zombie, was killed.

“Now there is a Lazara running around, a female zombie who's really bad,” Kuhl said. “She's brutal, she's already turned 15 of our finest.”

Lazara, known by many as the Harbinger of Death, said she hungers not only for brains, but also fear.  

“I love seeing the look in humans' eyes because they get scared,” Lazara said. “It's fun to strike fear into peoples' hearts.”

UnDeadline reporters Matt Walker, Chris Larsen, Kelsy Ensign, Summer Taylor and Skylar Christensen contributed to this report.