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| Society of Professional Journalists president Dave Cullier was among the recent victims of a zombie outbreak in New Orleans. Public safety officials in the Mountain West are now reporting an impending outbreak in the Utah. Photo by Michael Koretzky. |
On Monday at 9 p.m., citizens gathered in preparation for the zombie apocalypse expected to hit Utah State University the following day.
Kenneth Fryar-Ludwig of the League of Supernatural Nations, or LSN, addressed a concerned group of citizens who were preparing to fight off the zombie apocalypse in the morning. He instructed the group on the rules of engagement toward zombies and gave the assembled humans some advice:
“Don’t be stupid,” Fryar-Ludwig said. “Don’t be a douchebag.”
Footage was shown of a zombie attack on an undisclosed campus which confirmed speculation of an impending outbreak at USU’s campus.
Human Gen. Jon Kuhl acknowledged the rumors of the zombie outbreak.
“We thought we dealt with them last year,” Kuhl said. “We thought we dealt with them the year before that, but apparently not.”
Hayley Williams, a concerned student at USU, attended the meeting.
“I am stocking up on ammo and weapons, and I will be taking precautions to minimize exposure,” Williams said.
Information was provided to the citizens regarding an unidentified Original Zombie, or OZ, that was expected to begin infecting citizens on campus Tuesday. The individual appears to be a human, but sources speculated the OZ would be the cause of the outbreak.
Officer Sutton Hanzalik of the USU Department of Public Safety gave citizens counsel on safety.
“Don’t involve the innocent civilians,” Hanzalik said.
The LSN advised the militia to only use Nerf gun weapons in the evening in order to avoid innocent casualties. Polyester resin, one of the substances used to create Nerf projectiles, is toxic to zombies, according to the LSN.
“Follow your orders, keep your ammo ready and never trust anyone,” Kuhl told his troops.
Following the conclusion of the meeting at 9:47 p.m., citizens were given identification cards for safety and recognition purposes.
UnDeadline reporters Bradley Bair, Marley McClune, Morgan Jacobsen, Eliza Welsh and Jeff Dahdah contributed to this report.
